Telling people you have cancer - how to stay calm & positive

I've been looking back on my diary of appointments from two years ago, remembering what it was like to tell people I had been diagnosed with cancer.

I had always lived a full life, and I needed to keep a diary to keep track of all the meetings & commitments I had (I was terrible at double-booking or triple-booking myself for events, without realising until too late.  Then I'd be torn about which one I should go to, and would spend hours trying to think of ways I could do all things all at once).

Keeping an appointments diary turned out to be a useful habit, because in the week following my diagnosis my life suddenly got very full with things to do and people to see - and these were each extremely important to not miss!

There are three or four events of my "anniversary week" that I think I'll never forget.  Last year I spent a lot of time in June remembering them, and this year is the same - so I thought I'd share some of these with you with over a few posts.

Several of those big events of the week relate to telling my family & friends that I had cancer.

I've read of other patients' experience of telling people, and talked with others. Everyone has a different experience. Some patients talk about a lot of tears, and fear, and anger.

My experience was different from that -  which isn't necessarily good (or bad).  But it was different, so in this post I want to try to explain that.

Fundamentally, I believed that the more difficult the situation, the more important it is to be positive, for yourself and for the people around you.  So that's how I approached the week.  I didn't feel particularly angry, or scared.  I did have a sense of the time being the most critical, that it demanded that I  not only be myself, but be my best self.

Several people have told me they're amazed how calm or how positive I was then, and even later as my treatment got more difficult.  They ask "how" I did that.   To tell the truth, I was (and still am) amazed and impressed how calm & positive they were!  But "how" is difficult to explain, because the real credit doesn't belong to me.

The reasons I stayed calm & positive came from two people: my Mum, who has taught me to optimistically see the best in other people (and to trust them),  and my Dad, who has taught me the value of leadership (we didn't ever sit down for lessons; he just went about his business as a school principal and community leader, and I've learned by watching & listening & talking to him over the years).

This unique combination of optimism and leadership gave me all the preparation I needed to face telling other people, and deal with being a cancer patient.  Just like your unique combination of qualities give you everything you need, to be your best self.   We already have what we need.