Work, difficulty & happiness (part 2 of 2)
On Tuesday this week I gave a talk at phil&teds about overcoming difficulty and finding happiness at work.
This is Part 2 of my talk notes; I posted Part 1 of my talk earlier this week.
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So, it felt crucial to me that I enjoyed life at work - every day counted. But I also wanted to feel normal, and capable; doing the job at a level I was happy with.
A highlight for me was the market launch of one of our best new products of the time, a new buggy/stroller. It was a good project for working with many others, under pressure. Nicola had started in our marketing team, and her enthusiasm for work in general, and the project in particular, gave me a real lift. The close teamwork, including some very supportive collaboration from Jennifer in our Colorado team, gave me a real boost in confidence.
By that stage, I felt that the intensity of the work let me feel 'normal' and personally capable.
It felt important to be busy, and important to prove to myself that I could do a good job.
Over the next few months I had several projects in the same vein, and got some real momentum going. I was set to run another market launch for yet another innovative design (cool!); but after returning from a Christmas holiday break, we took stock and decided on a shift in the type of project work I was doing, away from doing market launches. It seemed like a good idea to me - there was plenty of good stuff that needed doing elsewhere, aside from launches.
A realisation - the hard way
What happened next helped me understand myself and what I really wanted from life at work.
I think I had a very normal, human reaction. Despite having voiced my support for the change in role, and having convinced myself that a change was a good thing - deep down I didn't want to let go. I was dependent on that need to lead; to drive a project so that I could feel normal & capable.
Denby took over the project. Denby was one of my closest colleagues at work and an exceptionally supportive friend when I was sick. But one day during the hand-over, I snapped at her in a meeting, trying to catch her out & make myself look good at her expense.
Afterwards I felt terrible. I went home and thought about it. Here was one of my best friends trying to her job, and I was feeling envious, defensive and snarky!
I thought: I guess this feeling is a normal, natural feeling - but it's not how I've chosen to live.
So I'm going to REVERSE that feeling: from now on, I'm going to make other people look good.
The next morning I wrote on a thin strip of paper: 'Make Other People Look Good' - and taped in along the top of my computer screen so I'd constantly see it.
That must have looked unusual to other people at work! But I didn't want to be normal any more.
I had realised my true purpose at work: to help others. I didn't want to be 'normal'; and I had nothing to prove. It felt great to shift my main purpose to helping others: instead of envy, I felt pride in their success.
Why I come to work every day
Now, this is why I come to work: to see other people SHINE. Nothing makes me happier.
It was the final piece of the puzzle, to help work fit my new post-treatment life. These days I don’t have goals, I live for the experience today, and to make that experience happy. I'm shamelessly optimistic about others. Of course, there are downsides: sometimes, I do & say things now that don’t look far enough ahead – but I’m learning!
Helping others is the key to happiness. And there’s only one thing greater than happiness: shared happiness.
When is this most important?
When life is at its MOST difficult, when the pressure is on, the parts are wrong, the product is stuffed, the complaints are at their highest and others still can’t get it right – when you’re really pissed off and the people around you are pissed off: The need to help others is most important. Help them help you.
How can you help others?
1. Listening
There are two types of listening.
The first type is: Listening to Agree, or Listening to Disagree. That's the normal way; like nodding your head in agreement when someone's saying something. Or we listen to disagree, like forming your rebuttal before they've even finished their sentence.
The second type of listening is: Listening to Understand. That's the best type. When you truly listen for the things they're trying to say - you search through the words looking for their message; what they're trying to express & why it's valid for them.
2. Sharing: on a Need to Grow Basis
I don’t share information on a need to know basis; I share information on a need to grow basis. If me telling someone something helps them grow, to enrich their understanding for their sake, I share it.
3. Make Other People Look Good.
Make it your mantra. Help other people SHINE. Helping others is the key to happiness. If you help others, you share in their success.
And there’s no greater way to live.
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